infant loss

An Overdue Update

So life just keeps on going, going, going; and sadly I am do for an overdue update. Last Thursday (Sept 21 – 2 days shy of 17 weeks), at the prompting of my friend, I met with her highly recommended MFM. He shall be called Dr. Wonderful. This man has the best bedside manner EVER. He is gentle, compassionate, pro-life, loves Jesus, and is not going to be bound by time in any way. My appointment with him was LONG and amazing and such a comfort. I got to watch my baby move and thrive along with one of my dearest friends. We sat there and watched my Little Peanut wiggle and turn around and have a great heartbeat. At 16 weeks Nuchal Translucency is no longer visible so they now measure the Nuchal Fold. Little Peanut had an abnormal thick…

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The Road Less Traveled

Two roads diverged in a wood, and I - I took the one less traveled by, And that has made all the difference. From The Road Less Traveled by Robert Frost This isn't a road I would wish on any family. Most days I wish we weren't walking it ourselves. I want to complain and argue and scream, "This isn't Fair.". And you know what?! It's truly not fair. It's just not. And like I tell my Man-Cub....a Fair is a park with rides and attractions and games. That's not life. Life is messy and murky and sad and hard and shows us just how much we all need Jesus. If life was fair and every mama that wanted a beautiful, healthy baby got one miraculously without thought, what would that teach anyone about the beauty and sanctity of life? How…

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BEFORE & AFTER

August 28th. A Monday. An ordinary normal day that should have been a day of excitement and fun and just another milestone in our fourth pregnancy. Instead it has become the day where life changed forever. There is just now everything before that moment and everything since. So many people say life will never be the same after whatever xyz and now I realize how flippantly well-meaning people say this. I know differently. Life changed in that moment. Everything after has become our "new normal". I've always heard in crisis your senses are heightened. The day was partly cloudy and relatively cool for a late summer in Dallas, Texas. So cool to my body was the air, that I actually put on a pair of leggings to head to my appointment. It felt like a great Monday. I was running a…

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