Reflections on Pregnancy

In college my senior thesis compared Latin American politics to soccer. The parallels were obvious to me. I've often been asked to sum up what this pregnancy is comparable to and often times I struggled to find the parallel. There is no comparison. It is its own thing. To find language to describe it didn't exist in my head until today. In complete stream of consciousness, here are the reflections on my pregnancy. Reflections of a roller coaster ride. The ride is coming to an end. I can see the station where we disembark. You know that moment when the ride is ending and the brakes are hit just before you enter back into the station. It's nearly whip lash. You are well aware the ride is nearly over. Oh sure. A new track awaits and is just around the corner…

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Her Heart

Turns out I'm a terrible pregnancy blogger. I know everyone wants info and details and I love you for it and I'm grateful you are along on this journey with us. Yet, I find it so hard to capture the ups and downs. Case in point. This post about her heat. I've been meaning to write it for weeks now, but the weight of it all just sits and consumes me and so I function in denial. If it's not out there, I can put my head in the sand. Yet, that doesn't change the reality, so here I am, with an update weeks later. :P Monday Nov. 6 was an appt with both my OB and then later with my MFM.  My OB appointment was fairly routine and normal, for your average 23 week appt. We listened to baby's heart…

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20 Weeks

Oct 14 marked 20 Weeks and the week of All The Appointments. It is thrilling to be halfway, and to realize my God is bigger than any doctor or diagnosis. Remember the first MFM, Dr. Doom and Gloom? He said we'd never make it to 20 weeks and here we are - our daughter is still alive! The appointment with the Cardiologist and the fetal echo revealed that our daughter does have a congenital heart defect - a VSD - a hole in her heart. There are lots of possible outcomes for this; from hole can close on its own to if it doesn't close Peanut could need anything from a cardiac catheter to open heart surgery after birth to help it close.... Just depending on severity. So lots of unknowns, and lots of appointments to come to monitor and keep…

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The Best Gender Reveal

Once upon a time there was this family, and they were bestowed the most upside-down pregnancy one could have. Not willing to be upstaged in any way, the Gender Reveal had to continue the ride they have been on. The first of October will not be a day we will soon forget. The weekend began normal; hunt down big black balloons that would hold confetti for our kiddos to pop and reveal gender. Apparently, that's super hard to come by! It took visiting 3 different stores to score these balloons. And with our photographer and videographer, and intimate family friends we were ready to go. For your viewing pleasure I present..... Meanwhile, one of my best friends was making this face during the whole reveal. And I knew something was up. This was her face: Me: uh.....Is this what gender you…

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The Road Less Traveled

Two roads diverged in a wood, and I - I took the one less traveled by, And that has made all the difference. From The Road Less Traveled by Robert Frost This isn't a road I would wish on any family. Most days I wish we weren't walking it ourselves. I want to complain and argue and scream, "This isn't Fair.". And you know what?! It's truly not fair. It's just not. And like I tell my Man-Cub....a Fair is a park with rides and attractions and games. That's not life. Life is messy and murky and sad and hard and shows us just how much we all need Jesus. If life was fair and every mama that wanted a beautiful, healthy baby got one miraculously without thought, what would that teach anyone about the beauty and sanctity of life? How…

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BEFORE & AFTER

August 28th. A Monday. An ordinary normal day that should have been a day of excitement and fun and just another milestone in our fourth pregnancy. Instead it has become the day where life changed forever. There is just now everything before that moment and everything since. So many people say life will never be the same after whatever xyz and now I realize how flippantly well-meaning people say this. I know differently. Life changed in that moment. Everything after has become our "new normal". I've always heard in crisis your senses are heightened. The day was partly cloudy and relatively cool for a late summer in Dallas, Texas. So cool to my body was the air, that I actually put on a pair of leggings to head to my appointment. It felt like a great Monday. I was running a…

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