Monday afternoon I called my midwife to let her know about the appointment and she quickly encouraged me to not despair before a second opinion happened. She went about contacting a MFM she works with to get me seen immediately. The past 24 hours had been one of crying, sadness, loss, grief. These words do not even began to encompass the weight and enormity of the news we had been given. I knew immediately I would stand for life, but didn’t make this any easier to process.
Tuesday afternoon I went in to have this doctor do a Sono and eval. It is so sorrowful to walk around knowing I’m carrying life but that it is a life that has a terminal date. Dr. Rainbows and Sunshine was hopeful and cheerful from first meeting, and immediately I felt like she was going to save my baby. The sono started and images of my baby flooded the screen once again. Movement, body parts, a strong heart beat. It was so deja vu from yesterday as I sat there waiting for analysis from her, watching her face looking for an indications of hope. (So cheery she was I can forgive her for misspelling my name. 😉 )
And then just like that magical words. “I see where Dr. Doom & Gloom might have had that conclusion, but I’m just not seeing that here.” WHAT!? Stop this roller coaster madness now. My emotions and spiritual life are so up and down. Wait. Say all that again. She told me how there was still an incredible amount of fluid making this very serious and very disconcerting, but didn’t necessarily mean incompatible with life. My brain was flooded. She went on to explain how there was most likely a chromosomal anomaly, but we would have to do testing to determine if and what, but that there was a chance to birth an alive baby. See why I call her Dr. Rainbows & Sunshine?! What a far cry from the death sentence we had received just 24 hours later.
I went for my labwork which because of the weekend and Labor Day holiday would mean we would have to wait from Wed afternoon, until the following Tuesday for results. Talk about the longest week of our life. We oscillated from tears of grief to hope to meet an alive baby. I hardly slept. We prayed. I cried some more. We kept as busy as I could and tried to have every moment of my day occupied so I wouldn’t have time to focus on that with the three other kids and our crazy full days.
Tuesday Sept. 5. On our annual vacation to Great Wolf Lodge. 8:12am. A 5 minute phone call to confirm what we already knew was inevitable. A chromosomal abnormality. The one our baby has is called Trisomy 21 (T21) or more commonly called Down Syndrome (DS), which in theory should give us the highest outcome for a live birth. However, combined with the massive fluid around baby, and a heart that is in trouble, means we will just have to wait and watch and pray. The complications make the likelihood of a viable baby is actually surprisingly really low. So for now we are day to day. Alternating between preparing for death, and praying for life. Breathing in and out. Putting one foot in front of another. Trying to keep life normal for our kids and our family, while trying to trust God and keeping growing our little Peanut.
So here we are, choosing life, praying for a miracle, banking on hope that she will be born alive with only Down Syndrome and not a massive amount of other issues, and wanting all that we do with whatever time we get with our Peanut even if it only in Utero to point to Jesus. In the words of the Sidewalk Prophets’ song Live Like That:
I want to live like that
And give it all I have
So that everything I do and say
Points to You…..
If you missed the first post catch up here.
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Praying for your family and Little Peanut. I am glad the second doctor gave you more encouraging news! I have a niece with DS and my oldest granddaughter has a serious genetic mutation called Tuberous Sclerosis which we found out about at 32 weeks in utero. All the emotions and heartache can be overwhelming. But our God is Good and He will love on you all and hold you in His arms throughout. Your Little Peanut is well loved and cared for not only by you but by the Lord of all the Universe and couldn’t be in better Hands.
Lord, be so near to this family that your presence is unmistakable and tangible. Let them truly feel your love and comfort even as they live the unimaginable. Father, protect their home from the enemy and send mighty angels to guard and shield them from the lies and abuse of the demonic. We trust you and know you love us. Let that love pour out abundantly in this season. Amen.
Doctors don’t get the final word. Love and prayers, mama.
Sending love, hugs & prayers to all of you. Thank you for sharing your journey & your heart so that we can specifically tailor our prayers for your unique and super challenging situation.
I read the first post before the 2nd, but the story hasn’t changed from mine. I am still here for you. DS isn’t a death sentence that some Dr’s make it out to be, but the fluid is what Liam had too.
I pray to God your miracle is right around the corner.
Thank you, Michele, for sharing your news and journey. Your faith in the Lord is inspiring. I will keep you and your precious baby in my prayers. Sending you hugs.
Praying fiercely for you and your family Mickey! You are living out loud and showing everyone Who is in charge! ❤️
I’m so sorry to hear about all of this and for a time of so many extreme feelings while taking care of your family. Praying for you all. God is sovereign. He knew little Peanut from the moment He created that sweet baby in His own image.
My thoughts and prayers are with you all. May God bring you peace.
Praying for you and your family. Sending big hugs your way.
Mickey, I wish had some poignant words to share and ease your pain! I’m praying for your family and I’ll be following your journey. You got this momma ❤️. The Lord is with you!
Mickey. First, I want you to know I love you and I’ve been sending you my heart since I read your first post. I didn’t know details, but I do know miracles can happen. I have proof of two of them and witnessed many more. Including those who have had downs babies with prematurity. Jeff’s nephew is actually one of them. He is now 7 and making amazing progress. I will continue to send my heart and many prayer to you and your beautiful family. I wish you all strength and courage to continue this journey together with support and love from all those who surround you.
God is good, all the time. Trust in Him and you’ll be just fine. He knows the plans he has for you….❤️
Sending hugs and prayers your way.
Mickey, I just want you to know I am continually praying for you, your family and especially sweet LP 😉
I also want you to know what an inspiration you are to everyone you touch. Your bravery, faith and perseverance are nothing short of incredible!
I know we don’t know each other that well, but you’ve made such a difference to me and you really and truly are someone I look up to!
Thanks for being you, Mickey. LP is lucky to have a mommy like you! ❤
You are wonderful parents, you are an amazing woman, a strong and brave Mom, this is the reason why God have chosen you to take care his precious angel!
“For You formed my inward parts;
You covered me in my mother’s womb.
I will praise You, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
Marvelous are Your works,
And that my soul knows very well.
My frame was not hidden from You,
When I was made in secret,
And skillfully wrought in the lowest parts of the earth.
Your eyes saw my substance, being yet unformed.
And in Your book they all were written,
The days fashioned for me,
When as yet there were none of them.”
Psalm 139:13-16 (NKJV)
Prayers for you and your family.
With Love, Hertzer Family.