August 28th. A Monday. An ordinary normal day that should have been a day of excitement and fun and just another milestone in our fourth pregnancy. Instead it has become the day where life changed forever. There is just now everything before that moment and everything since. So many people say life will never be the same after whatever xyz and now I realize how flippantly well-meaning people say this. I know differently. Life changed in that moment. Everything after has become our “new normal”.
I’ve always heard in crisis your senses are heightened. The day was partly cloudy and relatively cool for a late summer in Dallas, Texas. So cool to my body was the air, that I actually put on a pair of leggings to head to my appointment. It felt like a great Monday.
I was running a few minutes behind, yet I got a parking spot close to the front as I happened to catch a car leaving. The receptionist was in a great mood and we traded banter. The waiting room was empty which was fun since I knew things weren’t crazy backed up. My wait was so fast I barely had time to play on my phone. Everyone was so friendly as we went through chart info, weight check, blood pressure. So routine, but I was acutely aware at that time how it felt like such a fun Monday morning. I even took a pic of my exposed belly awaiting the sonographer before she came in, bursting to see my sweet Peanut.
Minutes. The sonographer came in and showed me my sweet baby. A Heartbeat. 10 fingers. 10 toes. Lots of movement. A brain. My heart was overflowing with joy. I joked with this gal that I can’t imagine the times when she has to give bad news like baby is missing some fingers or toes. Oh my stars. What a foreshadow. It was that minute that things changed. She measured baby and quickly printed out a couple of quick pictures rather somberly and something felt off, but I couldn’t put my finger on it. All of a sudden she uttered something along the lines of I need to grab the doctor, I’ll be right back. Off the sono went. Y’all my heart hit the floor.
That was the minute. 10:58am. I grabbed my phone as fast as I could and in caps texted Aaron to pray. Oh how I knew. I knew this was the moment. Whatever he was going to say was going to be the most awful thing ever. 8 minutes. For 8 minutes I sat there waiting, wondering, praying, trying to wake myself up from some god-awful dream. 8 long minutes. The doc walked in. He was friendly. The sono pics went back up and there was my baby. Moving, beating heart, alive. Seconds later? I don’t know maybe 2 minutes later and he was done. And his face. Oh his face. Ashen. He started talking in the kindest way possible about baby being incompatible with life. Wait…what? All while I’m still watching my baby on the screen. Surely this is a weird and cruel joke and I pause him to get Aaron on the phone cause I can’t reconcile what he’s saying and what I’m seeing. 11:11 was the call. Not even 15 minutes have passed since she had concerns to now baby is incompatible with life. What the what?!
I don’t even honestly know what he said. There was talking and “counsel” for us on how to terminate this life. My Peanut’s life. The baby I’m staring at one the screen moving, turning round and round watching the little heart beat. Dr. Doom & Gloom is talking about chromosomal failures and that there is no way I will carry baby longer than a few more weeks. Maybe Aaron recalls what he said. I seriously sat there crying and praying and BEGGING God to make him say the truth and stop lying. And then he left. He had done “his job”. Somehow I pulled my pants up and my shirt down and grabbed my purse. Walked out. Got in my car. Drove home. That drive…..I don’t even know how I got home.
Literally BEFORE and AFTER. Nothing since that moment has been the same. And yet I felt God so near me that day. Mercy Me’s Even If was on the radio when I was leaving.
It’s easy to sing
When there’s nothing to bring me down
But what will I say
When I’m held to the flame
Like I am right now
I know You’re able and I know You can
Save through the fire with Your mighty hand
But even if You don’t
My hope is You alone
Read the rest of our story here: Our Little Peanut
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May the Lord bless you and keep you. May the Lord make His face to shine upon you and be gracious unto you. We don’t know His plan but we know His heart. Please know that you and your family have been and will continue to be in my prayers and in my heart as you walk this uncharted path with Jesus.
Mickey! I am so sad that you received news like this. We know that our God is bigger and mightier than any diagnosis. Speak life to your baby and super natural healing in Yeshuas name! I will pray for you and your sweet family. Please let me know if you need absolutely anything!!!
My heart hurts for y’all. Praying, praying!
I am so sorry that you are having to walk through this. Praying for you, your family, and sweet little peanut.
Dear Mickey and Aaron,
We will continue praying and asking the God of the impossibles for a miracle. We love you very much! Bego and Larry.
Will keep you and the family in my prayers as you continue on this journey. I had a feeling when I was praying for you this week that it might be baby-related. Aside from the prayers, please let me know if you need anything
Mickey and Aaron,
We are so sorry and are holding you close in our hearts and praying for both of you and your precious baby. Please know we will be praying for you to a God that is able to do anything, above what we can ask or think. our love. David & Marsha
Praying fervently for the Easton family. Our God is able. Standing with you all.
Praying for your little Peanut ❤️
Praying so hard for your family!
Mickey how my heart aches with you. I know this pain, these thoughts, this before and after. It brings a pain no one should ever, ever have to feel.
Please, please reach out to me if you need anything. I have been through this, pretty much exactly. I carried my baby boy for 12 weeks after we got the news, I carried him every moment his little heart beat. They all told me I needed to end it, but that was not my choice to make. The Lord called him home when it was time, and we loved him then, as we love him now. I am here for you, my heart breaks with you and my prayers are with you all.
Oh Mickey! I’m praying for you all.
Praying 🙏🏻 for you, your family & your PRECIOUS peanut. The very first time I met you I knew you were a special person. Your kids are the cutest. Thinking of you as you go through this difficult journey. Sending HUGS 🤗 & LOVE~🗝❤️✝️🌈💜🙏🏻
Hi Mickey and Aaron,
I’m very sorry to hear about the challenges you are going through. You will be in our prayers.
You are in my prayers. Sing and talk to your beautiful baby. Let that little peanut know how much they are loved❤
Prayers for you all.