Yearly Archives: 2018

Read more about the article Leah

Leah

I remember having a boring life. Every day was the same. Wake up. Stumble to find a cup of hot tea. Feed my people. Do a load of laundry. Feed the people again. Break up a battle. Feed the people again. Hold a baby. Step on a lego. Feed the people again. Change a diaper. Read a book with them. Feed the people again. And that was just before 10:30am most days. And now? The life of our Little Peanut, Leah, has brought us somewhere new and different. Somehow we are "that family". The one that needs all hands on deck. I don't even know when we turned into that, but here we are. I mean I thought we were mildly doing okay, but then one of my best friends typed out my story for a blog and I don't know.…

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Learning to let go in the PICU

As I sit here watching machines keep my daughter alive. Tears flow. I cannot hold her. Can't really talk to her cause it sends her numbers into crazy land. No one talked about how being a parent would mean just sitting still and quiet in a dark hospital room holding your daughter's hand. Pleading, begging, praying. So much life training I did not receive and have to just learn as I go.- I missed the class in college where a cold can nearly kill your child. And then when you overcome her cold, 12 million other new problems that are even more serious present themselves.- No one covered how hard it would be to watch your kiddo #struggle and get worse every day.- I never read the book on how to be two places at once time. At home where my precious three…

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Read more about the article Waiting on Open Heart Surgery

Waiting on Open Heart Surgery

It is still surreal on every level that I just typed that out. That having open heart surgery (OHS) is part of our story. And really since the beginning of our road with our Little Peanut, her heart has probably been the biggest thing I have prayed about, and the deciding factor in so many conversations. Way back at 12 weeks pregnant (nearly 11 months ago now), one of the reasons her doc thought she would not be viable was because of the condition of her heart. In utero. That blows my mind still to this day, thinking of how small it must have been back then. And all throughout pregnancy, we were always watching her heart, monitoring it, praying it would be able to keep up with all the changes her body was doing as it was growing until birth,…

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Read more about the article Open letter to the Mama in the NICU

Open letter to the Mama in the NICU

  To the high risk mamas and the NICU mamas. I see you. I see you going to your appts alone. Scared. Fearful. Wondering what new piece of sad or bad information is awaiting you from your medical team. I see the tears you wipe away when a friend is gushing about how the color she is painting her nursery or the new outfit she found for her baby and you are praying daily that your baby will make it earthside. I see you on bedrest in antepartum or at home or even just playing the waiting game like I did of should we take baby now, will baby make it, can we push baby another day or two. The game of fighting between sleeping baby and safe delivery/alive baby is harrowing and risky and frightful. I see your anxiety. I…

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Read more about the article Reflections on Pregnancy

Reflections on Pregnancy

In college my senior thesis compared Latin American politics to soccer. The parallels were obvious to me. I've often been asked to sum up what this pregnancy is comparable to and often times I struggled to find the parallel. There is no comparison. It is its own thing. To find language to describe it didn't exist in my head until today. In complete stream of consciousness, here are the reflections on my pregnancy. Reflections of a roller coaster ride. The ride is coming to an end. I can see the station where we disembark. You know that moment when the ride is ending and the brakes are hit just before you enter back into the station. It's nearly whip lash. You are well aware the ride is nearly over. Oh sure. A new track awaits and is just around the corner…

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